I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
