I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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