One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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