I hate your face
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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