i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
