I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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