I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
