I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
birth control should be required to get into college
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
