Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
