Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
