question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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