Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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