tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
