She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Randomize
