I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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