you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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