I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
