everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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