How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
