And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
