he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
