Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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