So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
