after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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