I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
