Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
