The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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