Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
