He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
