I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
