I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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