A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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