Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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