you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
