I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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