I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
