My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
