Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
