My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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