we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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