you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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