Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
