New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
try to milk me bitch
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