I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
