Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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