So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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