Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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