I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
