I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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