I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
