is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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