i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
