what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
