so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
