Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
